I am constantly running around like I was in the circus of life. I feel like I can never catch up. I suppose you can take it how you see it, funny or sad. I choose to see it humorous. My life is a constant balancing act of “Crazy…”
Last year I was a waitress, working doubles darn near every day. Struggling. Yes, but making it. In the midst of being sick on and off for the last, well, ten years. Honestly, since I was a kid. But I was doing just that, making it work. Fast forward, through all of the drama, some how, I was getting through. But one thing was always constant in my life, and of course it was being sick. I always knew how to work through it, at least till I collapsed or needed a surgery. I knew how to push through certain obstacles; I knew how to get through “crazy.”
But last fall, working doubles, trying so hard, … I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had hidden this disease from everyone. I suppose myself even. I never could have imagined that CRPS could make me throw up daily, that a nerve disease could do all of that. But sure enough, it could and it did! CRPS was the invisible demon that took away everything that I knew.
For the first few months of having to stop work, all I did was go to doctor appointment and testing. I was miserable. I wasn’t tolerating anything in my system, so I couldn’t be out of the house long. I was constantly in a laying down position with a trash can in grabbing distance. I was losing myself. Slowly, every bit of my normalcy swept away.
The conversations with the outside world really began limiting themselves to the same question, day after day, “How are you feeling?” “Like death,” I would think. It was all about my health and symptoms. No offense to anyone, truly, but I was getting lost. It started feeling like it wasn’t ” How are you doing in there Jenn, are you ok?” I just wanted to scream. I just wanted to runaway. Give in. One day. Just one day off, like a job. But it wasn’t that easy. You see, I had to realize that. There is no day off when you are sick. No one tagging you out, or giving you a hand. It’s all you. You do, but you don’t. I had help. But when it came to dealing with the physical pain, and the gut wrenching back and forth, that was all on me. Staying up at all hours of the night unable to sleep. It got to the lowest of the lows that I had ever seen.
One day my mind changed. I know it has a lot to do with beginning treatments. Ketamine Wellness Centers came into my life at just the right time. I am a true believer in signs. I am a strong supporter of the idea that you attract what you want, but you have to be willing to see it, and work for it. I was very lucky. I was truly given a second chance at life. I can see that. And I want to life as grateful and be reminded of that everyday.
Read more about Jennifer’s story and her organization, Rising Phoenix CRPS HERE. Please contact Ketamine Wellness Centers at 855-KET-WELL (855-538-9355) if you or someone you know is struggling with an ongoing mental health, anxiety or a chronic pain condition.